Yes, it finally happened, the moment every adoptive parent anticipates, but dreads. The moment your child says he or she wants to live his or her first parents.
I knew it would happen, and when BE was mad at me the other day, it did. I’m not even sure what she was mad about; sometimes the things that upset her seem trivial to me, but are obviously significant to her. So, she told me that she wanted to go live with her first mom and that she was going to look for her. I tried to be understanding and asked what she thought it would be like to live with her first mom. BE told me that it would be fun, because her first mom would give her chocolate and let her stay up late.
BE later apologized – she usually does once she calms down – and I found that I had survived this milestone in tact (although a little sad)!
February 11th, 2013 at 1:59 pm
Oh, boy.
February 11th, 2013 at 2:07 pm
no kidding
February 11th, 2013 at 3:53 pm
Happened to me many times over the years.Especially when they were teens.The girls did eventually find their first family and I am glad they did because their curiosity was finally quenched and they found out how blessed they are.
February 11th, 2013 at 3:57 pm
thanks for your perspective!
February 11th, 2013 at 4:23 pm
Loved this anecdote. I’d forgotten BE’s age, but sounds just about right for age 7. If you have an open adoption and the first mom is willing to help, you might just want to invite BE to go her first mom’s home and spend some time there. Of course, you would have to have the first mom agree with no extra chocolate or staying up late. It could work, depending on where the first mom lives and her own situation now. Can’t predict the future, though.
February 11th, 2013 at 4:28 pm
thanks for the suggestion. We’re not there with first mom yet – but maybe someday!
February 11th, 2013 at 5:04 pm
Shannon – I doubt any of us didn’t say that at one point or another – I think mine were more during the teen years. With BE – I think you may want to consider that she just told you she trusts you enough to say that without fear that it would become reality – kwim? Huge amount of trust in you…so that means a lot.