Guest Post: A Grandmother’s Adoption Perspective

I’m excited to share my first guest post! This is from my mother, “Grandma G”, and this is her adoption story.

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I wasn’t prepared for the news that my daughter shared with me one night as we sat in a restaurant with my younger daughter and my husband. I was told that she and her husband were going to adopt a child. They had already begun the process. I was so taken aback that I became extremely quiet and unhappy for the remainder of the evening. Thinking back on it now I believe part of me felt hurt that I wasn’t included sooner. On the drive home my husband expressed his disapproval of the idea. He felt that they should try to have their own before considering adoption. This certainly didn’t help me with the feelings I was experiencing. I was so upset by the thought that she would not have her own child that I didn’t even go to work the next day. I left that morning as if I were going to work but called in along the way saying I was ill and returned home after I knew my husband had left for the day. This bit of information is something that I didn’t share with my daughter. I didn’t want her to know just how devastating her news was.  After all it shouldn’t be my decision.  When I did speak with them about their decision, I did ask why they didn’t want their own children. Although I understood their reasons and felt a deal of respect for them, I still felt cheated. I also believed that I must have failed somehow causing her to not want her own child.

When I found out that they were considering an older child I had to deal with more misgivings. An older child would already have their own expectations of life, they would like certain music, television shows, etc. I knew I was being selfish but those were my feelings. I kept much of it to myself, after all, my feelings were something I had to deal with, not them.

It has been about 15 months or so since the brother and sister they chose came into our lives. It has been an adjustment for everyone, especially them. I have done my best during these months to be supportive, trying to never step over the line by being too pushy.  The children have melded wonderfully with us and are certainly a part of the family now. I would not change anything. I do still have a desire for my daughter to experience the growth and birth of her own child. I know what a wonderful experience it was for me and would love for her to have that same rewarding experience. But perhaps she has had that wonderful feeling; after all I have never had the pleasure of adopting. Maybe adoption is just as fulfilling.

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7 thoughts on “Guest Post: A Grandmother’s Adoption Perspective

  1. To Grandma G – yes, to those of us who adopt, those kids BECOME “our own” and we don’t feel like we’ve necessarily missed out on anything. I can’t speak for your daughter, but my husband and I chose to adopt first because we knew there was a need and we were ready to do what it took to equip ourselves to parent “other people’s kids” well. And it is it’s own kind of blessing.

    I get what you’re saying about wanting your daughter to experience natural child-birth/rearing, too. Maybe she will, and that will also be great. But if she never does, she hasn’t settled for second-best. Just living out “different.” But still great.

    • Ginny Kermath says:

      Thank you for your comment and thoughts. I appreciate it and I know that Shannon does too. I am sorry it took so long to reply. The two she has are adorable and could never be replaced.

    • shannon2818 says:

      Yes, I did. I appreciate her honesty. I asked her to post because I want to show both the struggles and joys of adoption. There are too many people out there who describe the experience as completely wonderful – they ignore the trials that come with it.

      I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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