When J and I got married, I thought seriously about keeping my maiden name. I decided not to, for a few reasons which I don’t really want to discuss here. But the point is, that I know what it’s like to be attached to a name and to give it up.
Still. it’s different for my kids of course. When the adoption was finalized last year, we changed their last names to ours. Unlike me, they really didn’t have a choice about it. And, BE made it clear that she was not happy. She kept referring to herself by her original last name and told me she didn’t want our name. I wasn’t offended, because I didn’t see it as a rejection. I explained that we did it because usually family members have the same last name, and we wanted everyone to know that we are a family.
It’s been a long time since I’ve heard BE complain about this issue. Although I don’t think she’ll be mortally wounded by this, sometimes I wonder if we shouldn’t have kept their last name as a sort of second middle name. I’d really like to do as much as I can to keep them connected with their biological identities. And, families aren’t like they used to be. I’m sure there are many families out there with as many last names as there are members.
I’ll be interested to hear BE and BC’s opinion about this as they get older.