I like grandma

BE and BC’s biological grandmother died about a year a half ago. I didn’t find out about it until after the fact, and unfortunately, it was BE’s eight-year-old biological cousin who told her. BE lived with her grandparents for the majority of her life before being placed into foster care.

BE and I have talked about that fact that she misses her first mother (FM) several times. But, this week was the first time that she brought up “Grandma D.” BE told me she was sad because she misses Grandma D. We talked about it a little bit and then we called Aunt S, Grandma D’s daughter, and FM’s half sister.

After BE was done talking with Aunt S about Grandma D, she decided she was going to make a card for her grandma. Here’s what she came up with:

Grandma D's card

Grandma D was not buried, so we can’t go visit her grave. Other than the card, I’m unsure about other ways I can help BE with this. Any ideas?

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5 thoughts on “I like grandma

  1. Aunt Jayme says:

    Random thought….Burial ceremonies provide closure for loved ones and B didnt have this experience with her grandma’s death. Perhaps you can create your own ceremony with a photo of Grandma.

    The photo could actually be buried, or perhaps it could be burned and the ashes spread somewhere. Not only would this ritual honor her grandma’s life, it provides a visual “closure” aid to B and designates a gravesite/tombstone/marker/place where B could go to in the future to pay homeage to her grandma.

    When families do this kind of greiving together, it goes along way to bond them as a unit. Like most major events, parents get a “teaching” moment with their kids on the issues of death and loss.

    Much Love, Aunt Jayme

  2. i agree with Aunt Jayme about holding some sort of ritual. Writing and reading letters to their beloved grandmother can help them process their emotions and feel “heard.”

    My children are dealing with the loss of their grandma, too. Their sadness peeks out occasionally. You’re a good mama for looking for ways to help them :-).

  3. my mother died when i was 6. i couldn’t understand why she wasn’t ever coming back. so i did the same. i wrote her a postcard and addressed it to heaven. she was not buried either. she was cremated and her ashes were spread in the pacific ocean. so every year i go to her favorite beach on the anniversary of her death and celebrate her life. my suggestion is to take BE some place that she and Grandma D used to go to. or one of Grandma D’s favorite places. if you have access to that information.

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