For better or worse, I’ve discovered I have a live-in therapist. Even I never suspected that J had this talent, but he does.
A few weeks ago we went for our appointment with BCLC therapist RB and I left mad. This was because we spent the whole time talking about me when I really just wanted practical advice for dealing with the kids. Part of the BCLC approach is that we don’t try to change our kids, we try to change our attitudes and approaches toward them. But, to be honest, I’ve never been very comfortable with this portion of BCLC. I hate talking about myself and I hate reliving the past.
So, when we got home, J called me out on it. He suggested that we switch therapists if I’m going to be resistant to RB’s approach. I told him that I just didn’t completely agree with RB’s observation that I’m too hard on myself. Actually, I explained, I know that I’m hard on myself, but I didn’t think it was too hard. I think that a certain amount of self-criticism is necessary for anyone who wants to improve.
But once J and I started talking about it more, I realized that RB is right. I’ve known J for a long time and I trust him, so I was more comfortable sharing with him than I was with RB. And once I started talking, I realized that I do have unreasonable expectations of myself. I expect things of myself that I would never expect of anyone else. To put it simply, I have no grace for myself.
I hate it when other people are right! And I hate that I have to tell RB that she was right during our next session.