Mean and ugly

As a kid, I was called some cruel things, but maybe not as cruel as what BE said to me a few weeks ago. She was very disregulated all that day and the previous day and had several tantrums. I’m pretty sure that she was triggered by something that was going on at school and that had made her think about her first parents. In the evening, we were going to a birthday party for my friend’s daughter, and because of the cookie incident, the kids were on a break from desserts.

When my friend started handing out birthday cake, and BE saw that she wasn’t going to get any, she started having a tantrum. J took her in the other room where she proceeded to continuously hit him. I decided it was time to leave, and on the way home in the car, BE started yelling at me and calling me all sorts of names including “mean” and “ugly” (which I think is about as bad as you can get for a 6-year-old). Eventually, I had to stop the car in an empty parking lot. Since J was there, I was able to get out and walk away. It was all I could do to keep from yelling back. I went behind a building and sat down and cried for about 15 minutes. When I came back, the rest of the ride home was fairly quiet.

Because of the work we’ve been doing with our therapist, RB, logically I know why she acts like that. But emotionally, it’s very hurtful to me. And, it’s hard for me to understand how her emotions fluctuate so dramatically. That night, I was the worst person in the world, but the next day, I was back to being the world’s best mom (tied with BE’s first mom of course). Me, on the other hand, I can’t get over it that quick. I harbor the hurt and it’s hard to let it go. All my life people have told me that I’m too sensitive and it’s time like these that I know it’s true.

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6 thoughts on “Mean and ugly

  1. It’s even harder when people tell you that you need to get over it, like you can just change your personality. Just allow the process – you walked away and that was the right thing to do. I’ve always been the sensitive one to and only time makes things better.

  2. I am not sure there is such a thing as being “too sensitive”. We are who we are, and all of us are hurt when people we love say or do hurtful things, whether we know they mean them or we know they don’t mean them. I think being sensitive to our children is ultimately better than being insensitive and not caring, because then what kind of parents would we be? Feeling the hurtful things intensely just means that you will also get to enjoy the blessings and love more intensely, right?

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