The dangers of hand-me-downs

Here’s why you should always check out your kids’ hand-me-downs before they wear them out in public. I didn’t notice this one until weeks after BE got it. Whoops!

BE's cute baseball cap ... embroidered with Ted Nugent's name!

BE’s cute baseball cap … embroidered with Ted Nugent’s name!

Advertisements

The power and the glory and turtles

One of my favorite books is The Power and the Glory by Graham Greene. And, one of BC’s favorite books is Tiny Turtles. The book is about a turtle race and each turtle has a first name beginning with the same letter as its color. Everytime I read the book, I laugh when I get to the page about the green turtle, Graham Green. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, but I’d like to think the author was paying homage to the original Graham Greene!

the_power_and_the_glorytiny_turtles

A funny typo

At my day job, I’m a writer, and a group of us writers often e-mail each other when we come across a funny typo. Now, I have one that I want to share with you. For the past few weeks, BE has been pretending to be a teacher, saying that she’s practicing for when she gets older. Sometimes, she recruits BC to be her student and teaches him math. This typo I’d like to share is courtesy of BE and her math lessons.

I don’t think I have to explain the asterisks – clearly without them, this image would be offensive. But that’s half the humor. It’s amusing that a first grader would unwittingly write this, thinking she was writing “count,” and that this would make me angry. Once I realized that she didn’t intend to write c*nt, I calmed down significantly. Then, I just laughed at myself.

Mama the grouch

Since becoming a mother, I’ve heard my share of interesting insults. As I’ve written before, when BE gets mad, she likes to say, “I’m not going to be your friend.” But BC, has some truly unique put downs. When he’s upset, he likes to yell (among other things), “I’m going to put you in the garbage can!” If he ever accomplishes that, I’ll have a lot in common with this guy:

In the mushroom kingdom

I have a few winter hats that are the “beret” style. BC likes to put them on, and whenever he does, he always reminds me of a certain character in a classic video game. First, here’s BC:

Now, here’s the Super Mario Brothers mushroom. For me, the resemblance is clear!

A preschooler’s worst enemy

BC has been potty trained for a while now, and lately he’s come up against a significant challenge – footie pajamas. We’ve discovered it’s not easy for a 3-year-old to go potty while wearing footie pajamas. He loves the pajamas (he has two pair), but he can never get them back on. The other morning at 2 a.m., he got out of bed to go potty. Then he couldn’t get his pajamas back on. So he started crying and woke me up and I had to go downstairs and help him.  I actually have no idea why they make these for anyone older than 2.  They’re cute and all, but they’ve quickly become BC’s nemesis.

Catch-22 conversation

I love to read, and I recently finished “Catch-22,” which is one of my new favorites. Somehow it manages to be hilarious and tragic at the same time. The hilarity is captured through a continuos stream of absurd events and coversations. Here’s an example from the book (I’ve modified the formatting):

Sanderson: The fish you dream about. Let’s talk about that. It’s always the same kind of fish, isn’t it?
Yossarian: I don’t know. I have trouble recognizing fish.
Sanderson: What does the fish remind you of?
Yossarian: Other fish.
Sanderson: And what do the other fish remind you of?
Yossarian: Other fish.
Sanderson: Do you like fish?
Yossarian: Not especially.
Sanderson: Just why do you have such a morbid aversion to fish?
Yossarian: They’re too bland. And too bony.
Sanderson: That’s a very interesting explanation. But, we’ll soon discover the true reason I suppose. Do you like this particular fish? The one you’re holding in your hand?
Yossarian: I have no feelings about it either way.
Sanderson: Do you dislike the fish? Do you have any hostile or aggressive emotions toward it?
Yossarian: No, not at all. In fact, I rather like the fish.
Sanderson: Then, you do like the fish.
Yossarian. Oh no. I have no feelings toward it either way.

I could go on with the conversation, but I’ll spare you. Especially probably because you’re wondering what the relevance is. As you can see, the conversation (just like many others in the book), is nonsense. And, it reminds me of talking with a three-year-old. Here’s another example (between me and BC on the way home from day care):

BC: What if sharks get out of the water?
Me: Then they get out of the water.
BC: What if sharks bite us?
Me: Then they bite us.
BC: Why we not see lions?
Me: Because lions don’t live around here.
BC: Do lions bite?
Me: Yes, lions bite.
BC: I do ‘nastics? (gymnastics).
Me: No, you don’t do ‘nastics.
BC: What I do?
Me: Nothing.
BC: Did you do ‘nastics?
Me: No, I did ballet.
BC: I watch you do ballet?
Me: No, you weren’t born yet.
BC: How old I was?
Me: You weren’t born yet.
BC: Where I was?
Me: You weren’t born yet.
BC: Aunt LM do ‘nastics?
Me: Yes, Aunt LM did ‘nastics.
BC: Why?

Naturally, this conversation is longer too. I always thought that if one child was talkative, the other would be quiet. This is not the case with BE and BC. They both talk nonstop. And usually it’s a bunch of nonsense. There’s never a moment of quiet at our house!

My anger’s back

Just ask Grandma G or J, I used to have a big anger problem. And I thought I had conquered it. Then, BE and BC came to live with us, and somehow, it showed up again. It makes me disappointed in myself, because I thought I was strong enough to control it. Yet, someone, two children actually took control. So, here’s a tribute to my anger (let’s hope it doesn’t stick around too long this time).

To the tune of “My Boyfriend’s Back” …

My angers’s back and you’re gonna be in trouble
(Hey-la-day-la my angers’s back)
You see it comin’ better cut out on the double
(Hey-la-day-la my anger’s back)
It’s been spreading lies that I was all cured
(Hey-la-day-la my anger’s back)
So look out now cause it’s comin’ after you …

Laundry days

Before we had kids, laundry day was Sunday. Now, Sunday has turned into the start of laundry week.

(To the tune of “Happy Days” …)

Sunday, Monday, laundry days

 

Tuesday, Wednesday, laundry days

 

Thursday, Friday, laundry days

 

Saturday, breather day

Foldin’ all week with you …